Beware of Dog

In many chapters, I ^Present a ~collection~ of distortions.  But because they are necessary to ^Protect our ^Mind ^Let's ^Practice calling them modes instead.  Every distortion is a ~mode~ of ~operation~. 

Cognitive distortions, Conative distortions and Affective distortions do not define us and are not a ~problem~ with our ~mind~!  It is ~evil~ to call it a delusion, psychosis or ~crazy~ ^When we ^Intend to ^Show it as an undesirable state of ^Mind.  But that's ^Okay if it was our ~habit~ or if it is our ~habit~ to do so!  We can ^Overcome it. 

If it is a ~mode~ then resisting the mode may ^Sustain it and ^Create a ~divide~ against other modes, as though getting ~stuck~ in a ~mode~ were contagious.  It is not because we or others are being stubborn.  It is because the mode is active that the mode stays active.  It is self-preserving.  That is really ~good~! 

My ~habit~ is to ^Avoid and thereby ^Refuse ~excess~ ~empathy~ with modes of others.  That has the disadvantage of my getting ~stuck~ ~alone~ ^When I ^Need ~help~.  The advantage is ^More ~independence~ ^When I am capable and ~healthy~.  A ~search~ for ^More ~empathy~ has the converse advantage and disadvantage.  We ^Benefit from ~cooperation~, but we may get ~lost~ as we ^Avoid ~truth~.  If you also have either extreme as ~habit~ and got ~stuck~ or ~lost~ from a ~lack~ of ~empathy~ or from an ~excess~ of it, don't ^Worry.  We can ^Surrender and ^Heal from it. 

It is frequently a ~conflict~ of modes without ~attention~ to ~what~ is driving those modes that causes us to get ~stuck~.  If the underlying cause of a ~mode~ is left unaddressed or is ~unknown~ to us then any effort to ^Force past it is reckless to our ~life~ and our ~mind~. 

I ^Offer here ^Empathy to my disdain for ~belief~ in using pharmacology ^Regularly or as a ~first~ resort.  I ^Hope that we use ^Care regarding our approach to mental ~health~.  My personal feeling may be summarized as, meals before pills.  So I ^Feel we ought not to ^Trust pills needlessly except to ^Fit and to ^Refresh. 

I have had ^More than one ~wonderful~ therapists (~individually~ and with ~family~).  One conversation comes to ^Mind with one therapist ^Who had many years of experience dedicated to ^Help others ^Become ~healthy~.  I asked them about a popular ~model~ of the ^Mind I ^Found on a popular video sharing site.  They ~quickly~ corrected me in a professional ~show~ of ~chastisement~ to ^Say that it is not the ^Mind only but ^How we ^Connect and ^Relate with ~one-another~ and our world.  Doesn't that ^Matter just as much as the world within us?  Quite accidentally my ~question~ tested them which ^Test they aced.  And just as ~quickly~ I realized the ^Truth of it and agreed with them about it so that I may also pass the ~test~. 

Many conversations and ~life~ lessons have impressed upon me a similar theme.  The ^Mind cannot be weighed ~separate~ from its environment, so it is with great ^Care that we must weigh each ^Concept in ~truth~ to its ~variety~ of application.  And we must ^Grant agnostic allowances to the situation that it may be applied as ~well~ to a single ~part~ of our ~mind~ in a single situation as to our whole ^Mind in its general ~operation~.  And from a single ^Mind, to that of many in varied ~communication~ ^Between us and to our world. 

One of the great reasons for The Book of ^MESH is, ^No one needs to ^Trust these methods.  Rather we ^Trust for its ~own~ sake to ^See ^What ^Develops.  And we can ^Try for ourselves at our ~own~ ^Pace to ^Find the fruits of ~MESH~. 

Ultimately, I ^Hope to ^Maximize our ~agency~ in regard to every ~good~ approach.  Some of us ^Want to ^Take a pill, to ^Talk or both, as a significant ~part~ of the mix of healing.  That's ^Okay!  Others like me, are ~avoidant~ of one or both of them in some ~way~, and ^Prefer self-help only.  And that's ^Okay too!  In context of our mental ~health~ journey, few things have been ^More an ~inspiration~ to me than to ^See its practitioners use ^Good psychology on behalf of their patients: myself and others included.  We'll ^Make it one ^Day, I ^Know it!  Whatever our approach to our mental ~health~, once we ^Commit to ^Try, I ^Suspect ^Half-or-double our ~war~ in it already did ^Turn to our ^Favor and ^Give us a ^Portion. 

We can ~still~ ^Be ^Grateful despite ~needless~ suffering.  Years of ~needless~ suffering can ^Become suffering with ^Purpose, even many years after the fact.  It does!  Isn't that ~wonderful~?  It is, once we can ^Find and ^Make the ^Change.  I ^Know it.  It is not about any supreme success but it is our ^Chance to ^Find remarkable healing and ^Become our ~BEST~ ~self~. 

^Now as we teach ourselves about modes, ^Please ^Remember this one thing.  Do not put ourselves or others in a ~mode~ of ~force~ or ~judgment~ against ~one-another~ nor against any modes in ourselves and others.  If we are in such a ~mode~ then we cannot ^Escape it except in a ^Cruel manner.  Like gravity it pulls others into a similar trap.  So if ~judgment~ upon ~one-another~ is seen elsewhere we ^Want to ^Separate ourselves from it for our ~safety~.  But it is ^Prudent that we ^Stop and ^Look with ^Care.  In ~maximum~ ~judgment~ or ~force~ I ^Suspect only a ~perfect~ ~fail~ is sufficient.  Nothing short of a miraculous fortunate lucky event upon our ^Mind can ^Undo our heaviest mode of ~force~ or ~judgment~.  Gladly we may ^Worry and ^Find ^Sorrow from it because it is a tragedy and that forlorn state may be the ^Start of our ^Fail towards a ^Better ~way~. 

My ~default~ ~mode~ of ^Progress in my ~daily~ ~life~ is sort of like (un-)^Share, and it is very distorted.  I ^Fight too hard to ^Connect because of its ineffective (mis-)~match~ to my ~default~ modes of ^Change: For in ~frustration~ I often ~lack~ ~presence~ with my audience and I would rather ^Hide except that also is ~good~ in that it may ^Give me ^Better ^Focus as I ^Write.  For sake of my ~health~, I ^Need not ^Hate myself for that.  Rather I may ^Choose to ^Believe in ~honesty~ that it is ~adorable~. 

Pick a page in The Book of ^MESH.  Do you ^See a mode?  ^Good.  Or pick out a page of your ~journal~ and ^Name a concept.  Or perhaps you could ^Express the object-persisting form of any verb.  Whatever the mode you ^Find here or elsewhere, it is likely near the root of current ~needless~ suffering for some of us.  But that same mode is surely also key to alleviate ~needless~ suffering for another.  And a virtuous ~cycle~ ~between~ ~humility~ and ~fail~ may empower us to navigate all of our distortions even during our worst times of ~weakness~. 

I have lived a while through some hard times, but my ~first~ hospitalization and ensuing psychosis was FAR ^More traumatic to me than anything else in my ~memories~.  I was already dehydrated and starving, and that hospital ~commitment~ added to it nakedness, ~lack~ of ~privacy~ and being refused virtually every other comfort that was once in my ~life~.  That suffering was even worse than its precipitating trauma from five months before it which trauma (one of mere moments) put me down hard onto the worst ~part~ of my ^Mind's ~PATH~.  ^Now that I ^Know, you ^Better ^Believe that I cling to ^Fail like my only real and true friend.  Like nothing else.  And you ^Better ^Know my ~focus~ to ^Chastise those ^Who are ^Cruel or ^Who ^Deceive themselves to ^Think it is ~good~ to ^Offer ~judgment~ or ~chastisement~ absent the ^Love. 

The dog on the porch awakes.  And his bark is so ^Loud that it is heard to the ~top~ of the mountain!  He ponders, Are they in ~conflict~ about it once and yet?  He breaks The Book of ^MESH in pieces as though it were ~food~, in ^Aim to ~tell~ all others to vomit it up, for ^Food he did dearly ^Need, and that, he did ^Sacrifice against ~self~ for sake of others ^Who could not bear the medicine of it.  This he did, for God did confess to his dog that it would ^Be hard to do, and it was done ^Promptly on the faintest whisper that it may have ~come~ to another as ~evil~.  The dog mourns his friend; a lion ^Now bruised and beaten; covered in mange and held in chains.  ^Go Dog, ^Go, for you have failed to ^Save the lion from his chains, so ^Fail this effort straight away. 

This is announced in detail, a delusion delivered to the dog, and then powered by God.  Though the dog must ^Go, God did ~well~, for somehow He owns every word of it ~still~. 

In ~terror~ the dog awakes from the only ~space~ left sacred to him just defiled;  ^No ^Space of sacred comfort remains.  It is in gross violation of his ~body~, ~mind~ and couch of divine ~Rest~.  The violation invokes a nightmarish ~lack~ of ~breath~ from his ~sleep~ and to ^Ridicule an ~obedient~ ~mind~ which roils, alarms and then explodes into a ^Loud ^Shout of awakening. 

At the ~point~ of alarm, the extremity of the pain of it crossed into his ~awareness~ to ^Feel to ^Identify his attacker from before words had meaning. He relented from that ~knowledge~ being unable to bear it in the ~sense~ that it was one like ~family~.  The ~unknown~ assailant in ^Mind was almost revealed from within. 

In the ~full~ energy of awakening, he shouts ^No over and over and then screams in agony at each ~breath~, horribly until ~exhausted~ and ~faint~.  He howls until out of ^Breath and in pain, for he felt it as ^More than a nightmare for it was as ~memories~ of an attack long ago.  Though that ~knowledge~ he did ~refuse~, he is frantic to ^Seek its cause ^Again.  In ~anger~ he leaps up accusing all he trusts each in ~turn~ as a ^Desperate ~test~ to ^Detect secret hostilities ^Now manifest inwardly.  None rightly confesses and as yet the attacker remains ~unknown~. 

For many days therefrom, his voice is raspy and hoarse.  He shaves himself bald in depth of ~sorrow~ and ~shame~.  Somehow God in foresight long before had whispered ^What may have forestalled the dog from accusing at God's ~own~ throne despite irrepressible ~temptation~ of it, but nonetheless neither God nor man ever finds him appeased and in his ^Good graces in recent days. 

The strangest thing is that we most correctly ^Discern mental ~illness~ by ^Merge of the many perspectives of sufferers and that of others.  ^Where it appears that all others are ~blind~ or ~crazy~ it means we are the primary sufferer, and yet it points outward to the ^Problem. ^What does that mean?  ^Where it appears only one is ~crazy~ or otherwise in ~emotional-failure~, we ^See it as a ~weakness~ in those ^Who seem as such.  Neither clue of ~direction~ is wrong, which means the ~problem~ is neither in ourselves nor others.  Rather it is ~between~ ourselves and, others or our world.  Every ~relation~ to the primary sufferer is as a cause for it is ^Strength and ~weakness~ in disparity.  That (mis-)~match~ could ^Be in ~relation~ to ourselves, to others, to our world or all of the above. 

But also irrespective of ^Where the ^Problem is, we don't ^See the ^Strength that lurks within us—a large ^Blind spot in others with ample ^Strength and a small ~blind~ spot as we ^Judge within ourselves as primary sufferers.  Most of our ^Strength has been ~exhausted~, and ^No ^Strength around us will ^Yield.  And we are so brave to continue to ^Work while so burdened.  We ourselves and others ^Want to ^Believe our tears have ^No magic power to ^Heal or ^Help.  They do have power actually and often, but some places ^Where we are or have been, we did ^Learn otherwise wrongly by transfer of ^Fear of ^Emotion.  By ^Doubt our tears had ^No power, and so today we do not ^Sorrow though ~sad~ for ourselves or others. 

Yet, the biggest distortion might not ^Be in ourselves as primary sufferers, but in others in our ~life~ ^Who also suffer in ~relation~ to our suffering ^Who cannot ^Stop their ^Strength to ^Give a ^Proper ^Look at our pain.  So others ^Who are not in touch with their ^Emotion and ours (impatiently-)^Help as they ~seek~ to impart ~knowledge~ without ^Truth, ~awareness~ without ^Grace to ^Be ^Good to us, ~community~ without ~respect~ for ^Who we are, and ~wisdom~ without the ^Love.  For ^Strength of others covers up both their pain of it that may ^Magnify ^Empathy, and their ~sense~ of ~compassion~ to the primary sufferer. 

It turns out that we are all primary sufferers to varying degrees with a ~variety~ of strengths and weaknesses that ^Change often!  So may we rather ^Accept ~one-another~.  May we ^Become one in ^Strength or ~weakness~ within ourselves.  May we ^Find ^Peace ~between~ ourselves and, others or our world.  We ^Minimize disparity as we do our ~part~ to cast out ^Strength: ~first~ in ourselves, next in ~relation~ to others, and ^Last in ~connection~ to our world.  Although primary and secondary sufferers are at the ~source~, ^Remember, they are not the cause.  The causes of ~needless~ suffering ^Remain ~unknown~ until we have had much time to ^Heal in an environment that fosters ^Love. 

In that ^Day of restoration the sufferer will ^Recover.  And those ^Who call others the cause and call themselves ~helpful~ ^Who persist to ^Fix their ~family~ or ~community~ ^Who persist to ^Ignore the pain's ~message~ might have a ~time-and-place~ to ponder it. 

May we all ^Feel it ~together~ in ^Empathy rather than in ^Complement against ~one-another~.  And then, without ^Complement, we may not ^Function, but gladly, we may ^Heal.  Which means, we will ^Again ^Function, but ~together~.  So, yea, it ~works~.  ^Turtles all the ~way~ down. 

The dog on the porch is so ^Full from ^Hope in its effort to ^Create, ^Write and ^Refine The Book of ^MESH in its ~belief~ of the great ~good~ to ^Give ^Love to ~one-another~ and to ^Help a world in ~need~.  In the ~mind~ of the dog, a ~plan~ did ^Tempt to ^Embrace it: to ^Believe itself a ^Naughty dog for its ^Aim to ^Take from the ^Home of its porch all the ~beauty~ in treasure of it.  The dog ^Now had eight ~principal~ modes of ~life~ to ^Hold in ~reward~ as eight treasures stolen away from the ^Fortress of its master.  Is this the secret and ~privacy~ of God ^Now robbed?  ^Why does the dog ^Stay?  Is it ^Good to ^Protect the lion at such cost? 

Though a heavy burden for a loyal dog to ^Feel thusly by any ~measure~, it does not ^Show itself a ~problem~ to the dog whose ~example~ was to ^Hold ~shame~ so ^Well in ~fullness~ ~long-term~.  Therefore, it was ^No ~worry~ and ^No ~problem~ at all in the heart of the dog, though a ~problem~ by every ~measure~.  The dog has ~tenderness~ to ^Know the ~talent~ of the lion to bear the ~shame~ of mange and hunger, and that did ^Tell the dog that for the lion's sake, it may ^Sacrifice in ~respect~ ~likewise~. 

Then the dog hears in a whisper in a ~dream~, I am nine. 

A voice to ^Speak as though the dog has ^Need of comfort from this ~shame~.  A voice to ^Speak as though the ~worry~ were a great burden.  The dog has ^No ~conscious~ weight from its ~guilt~.  Were it not for a ^Subconscious relief, the dog might have been ~confused~.  A voice to whisper yet to sing out as clear as a bell by its ~peace~. 

That same night a FAT man does ^Go to run and ~start~ to ^Talk to the dog ^Who is also in form as a man.  The dog runs along side God ^Who is in ~example~ a Buddha on Spring Gully, with the Hindu temple to the right, the dog to the left, and the Buddha in ~between~.  And to the right of the gully they ^Proceed north and to the dog's ^Home.  The ~choice~ of the dog, ^Yes, is to run along side Buddha ~together~ to ^Listen by ~study~ of a most welcome, calm and friendly face.  The true face of a ~buddy~.  Though they ^Go ~FAST~, none are ~exhausted~.  Though the gully is wet and deep and the bridge ~home~ does ~loom~ ahead, they cross the gully ~together~ before the bridge, as though on dry and flat ground, in appearance a meadow, ~full~ from the ~beauty~ of every ~flower~ which did surround their impossible ^PATH. 

Having crossed with a ~buddy~, the dog is not ~alone~ so the darkness of waking came to the eyes of the dog to ^See ^Again as though ^Blind.  The dog, ^Again as a man, lays in bed to ponder the ~dream~ and the voice ^Who did ^Magnify itself, to ^Speak ^Who sought to ^Save by its ^Talent to ^Take all in the ~fortress~ of heaven.  The ~shame~ did ^Depart for a ~grace~ which ^Found its ~way~ to ^Come to the dog to ^Overcome it.  Though God were as a man in poverty ^Now robbed of all by the dog, God did ^Remain as a treasure.  That ^Last treasure, God ^Who may ^Give Himself in ^Grace to the dog's poverty, even as His ^Own. 

And the dog, for three days and three nights the sun's ^PATH to ^Depart brings torment of devils and the sun's ^Turn to ^Return gives ^Peace for a half night also.  The ^Last night's ^Peace, the dog sees in a waking ^Dream, which is to ^Say, a vision.  And it was a vision of ^Perfect ^Peace. 

^Fear not, says the dog, in nudge to the onlooker. 

And the dog sees the image of three, each a ^PLR.  He sees one whom he knows to ^Love, and two others whose ^Figure the vision holds from him.  And the dog sees that these three went on to their ~wonderful~ glory as do us all, yet they ^Go ~together~ as friends do, and the beloved and known one did ^Go in ~lead~. 

Nudge. 

After that time, the dog sees the lion, as a man in ~full~ ~beauty~ and form.  And the lion comes forth to ^Nourish in ~full~ ~clothes~ abundantly frilled as one restored and to ^Restore.  And he wears ^No ~smile~ yet it was ^Peace upon his face.  And he is broadly shouldered in majesty and appearance of a ~STRONG~ and ~healthy~ lion.  It is as one ^Who shall ^Receive the ~fullness~ of the stature of Christ. 

The dog awakes to a little lion, as it were, in ~quiet~ on its lap to ponder this vision in ~wait~ until the little lion did ^Leave.  In ~aim~ to ^Live the dog plans to ^Keep the vision but his ~intuition~ constrains him otherwise, so it is ^Now ^Found here.  The dog is in ~shame~ to ^Share so boldly such mild sweetness of ~grace~ to his heart, yet the dog is ^Obedient by ^Sorrow of tears.  But the dog was neither ~sorry~ nor ~afraid~ in the ~sense~ that he was ~happy~ for the ~hope~ of the lion to ^Recover.  For in that vision the dog can ^See that the lion had ^Hold of a dog with relish in ~aim~ to eat. 

Or maybe it was chili?  ^Better ^Be Texas chili.  Or a Coney Island dog?  The dog sees in his ^Imagination a sign of red neon and a ^Name he can not read and does not ^Know and smells that sickly sweet meat in ~anticipation~ to ^Share a meal with the lion tonight.  Those are some ^Good dogs. 

That night, having ~found~ the red neon of his ~dream~, the dog sits down with the lion to eat some Chicago dogs.  Those are some ^Good hot dogs. 

Nudge. 

^Consent is the ^Part of our ^Agency that we may ^Share in common to ~one-another~.  It is only ever mutual and it ~always~ speaks one thing in a world that does not ~care~ for it which is a world of ^Abuse.  ^Where two or three ~individually~ ^Decide on one thing in common, it is ~consent~.  ^Remain to ^Fix upon ^Agency's target. 

A child cannot ^Decide ^When or ^Where they ^Sleep and many other things, so they ^Hold ^No ^Consent nor ~responsibility~ for that.  Childhood is a time to ^Establish ^Agency that their ~life~ and world of ~care~ may ^Come ~together~ ^How they ^Decide it.  Likewise, can we ^Consent to ^Rest ^When ~exhausted~?  It may ^Happen to ^Come, but it was ^Never ~consent~.  I ^Hope and pray you ponder every ~metonym~ of this ~concept~, that you ^Never ^Go ~together~ yet without its ^Good power. 

^Consider that we have ^No ~consent~ to ^Give others any trouble: ^When any has trouble to ~startle~, ^Respond, ^Decide, ^Front, ~end~, ^Yes, ^No, if it is your ^Own ^Family, …  ^Never do anything ~together~ that should ^Force our ^Need for it. 

Did you ^All ^Forget to ^Go ^Look in the ^Mirror?  I ^Love ^What I ^See as I ^Reflect on you.  And me.  And this world. 

^Why do you not also ^Feel ^Likewise its ~joy~?  Do you really ^Think God did not ^Make you ^Perfect?  That's ^What I ^See. 

So ^Now others ^Say I am ^Blind about myself and every other person except for perhaps you or your ^Favorite other ^Who you ^Praise?  Am I crazy?  ^No, the ^Truth is this whole world; is so easy to ^Forgive in ~1-step~.  I will ^Hold that ^Anger in and ^Never ^Refuse it as I ^Avoid ~all~ of its ~excess~ of appearance.  Forever my children.  ^Well, it (God or Nature or whatever you ^Believe is its cause) did ^Make us ^All ~perfect~.  ^Accept to ^Follow my ^Example of ^Love for ^All in my ~perfect~ ~honesty~ of heart or you may have my ^Anger about it ~always~. 

^Now, there it is.  ^Happiness is in me for my ^Anger is ^Become the ^Perfection of ^Truth.  Yours can ^Be too.  ^Well, we'll ^See.